“As you can see, R&D has really come up with a winning prototype based on my initial design notes.” She paused, and let that one sink in. “It’s quite simple – you just stir up the Mucus pack…”
She dumped a packet of green powder into a small rectangular box, then added a glass of water. Popped a plastic lid on the green box. Shook the box really hard, up and down.
“…then you pop in the ammo clip…”
Ah, so that’s what the box was. An ammo clip.
Like a mini 5’ 1”, 102-pound Schwarzenegger in a skirt, the Peppy Toy Exec SLAMMED the ammo clip into the pumpkin-colored gun.
“…and the BOOGER BLASTER is ready for action!”
She pulled the trigger, and a green jet of slime blurped onto the table.
Jeff made a face. The stuff was lumpy and clingy, just like real snot. His stomach turned a little.
But the other Executives were hmmm-ing and ahh-ing, no doubt awash in dreams of focus groups and single-digit disapproval ratings.
“It also shoots Laser Loogies!” the Peppy Toy Executive exclaimed, and pushed a button on the size of the gun. Two yellow discs shot out of a slot on the top of the gun, and ricocheted off the tabletop. One smacked into Jeff’s head.
“Oops, sorry about that, Tanner,” she smiled sweetly, then turned her attention to the rest of the table. “The best thing, though, is that the ammo is edible!”
Peppy ran a perfectly manicured finger through the gunk, scooped up a gob, and popped it in her mouth. “Mmm mmmmm!”
Jeff’s face twisted in horror as several nearby Execs leaned over and snapped up a bit o’ booger for themselves.
“Hmmm,” one Stone-Faced Executive murmured as he sucked on his finger. “Minty.”
That’s when the feeding frenzy began. People couldn’t push their way onto the bandwagon fast enough.
“You know – YOU KNOW, WE CAN TOTALLY ACCESSORIZE THIS!” an Incredulous Toy Exec yelped, as though he’d just realized something impossibly brilliant.
A slightly more Thoughtful Toy Exec peered off into the distance. “Our own brand of moist towelettes…helmets with Snot Shields…”
Exuberant Toy Exec stepped up to the plate. “I see a second generation after this! The ‘Double-Barreled Snotgun!’”
The Serious Toy Exec took his moist finger out of his mouth and spoke like Moses come down from the mountain.
“I think…this toy could be its own game show.”
A collective OOOOOHHHH went up from the table, then silence fell, as the executives bathed in a collective nirvana of profit-sharing-induced stock option hallucinations.
“My God…” Jeff murmured to himself.
If the Serious Toy Exec had been Moses come down from the mountain, then what everyone heard next was from a Warner Bros. cartoon. It was quite high and reedy, the voice of a lifelong nerd and a geek dyed in the wool. But it was clear, and confident, and rang with earnestness and the questioning tone of Truth.
“Yes, but what happens when children tire of eating things out of nasal cavities and shooting each other with poker chips?”
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Copyright © 2008 Darren Pillsbury. All rights reserved.
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