“Well, I don’t look that way.”
“Do too.”
“Do not!”
“Do too.”
“I do not!” Jeff turned his head to look at Davey, and saw that Brian had decided to take his face out of the MONSTERS book (miracle of miracles) and join the conversation. After a fashion, that is. “Brian, do I look that way?”
Brian put on a “Sorry, pal” look and nodded. Which meant Yeah, actually you do, in Brian-ese.
Jeff was horrified. “Nunh-unh!”
Davey leapt between the two front bucket seats. “Uh-huh!”
“NUNH-UNH!”
“UH-HUH!”
Jeff realized that he had slipped into kiddie-speak. He spent so much time around his own children, and designing toys for children, and selling to children, that he had begun to talk like children. Which was not a good thing. Not in this situation.
So he drew himself up in his seat, squared his shoulders, and acted like an adult. “No, I do not. And even if I did, it’s none of your business.”
Davey was having none of this adult crap. So he upped the ante. “Daddy and Elise, sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G – ”
“Cut that out!”
“First comes love, then comes marriage – ”
Well, hell. If the adult thing didn’t work…
“Then comes Davey in a baby carriage!” Jeff sang back.
It had the hoped-for results: Davey was horrified. The enemy had sunk to his level – and was BESTING him.
“Nunh-unh!”
“Suckin’ his thumb,” Jeff chanted, “wettin’ his pants – ”
“NUNH-UNNNNNHHH!”
And then the greatest coup of all happened: Jeff got an ally, as Brian suddenly burst into song with him.
“DOIN’ THE BABY HULA DANCE!” they shouted together.
Davey flung himself all around the back seat and flailed his legs about. He cupped his ears with his hands, and hollered at the top of his lungs, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LA LA LA LA LA – I CAN’T HEAR YOU – ”
Jeff and Brian were laughing so much as they pulled into the driveway that Jeff almost didn’t see the black Mercedes parked there. He slammed on the brakes for real, and as the car rocked back and forth in the aftermath, things grew deadly quiet.
“Great,” he muttered. He had totally forgotten.
Davey sat up from where he had fallen in the floorboards. “What?”
Jeff pointed at the Mercedes.
“Grandmother and Grandfather Tanner are here.”
No one spoke. Hardly anyone breathed. Had there been snowflakes falling outside, Jeff would have been able to hear them as they drifted gently against the windshield.
Someone had to finally break the silence. Davey did, after a good 20 seconds.
“Can we go back to the mall?” he asked.
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Copyright © 2008 Darren Pillsbury. All rights reserved.
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